Reflecting

(Plegaria by Eduardo Kingman - Ecuadorian artist)

       
A couple of days after the fact, I am spending some quiet time trying to understand what happened and more importantly why it happened, what God is wanting me to learn. 
        My heart stopped, at least two times on Thursday morning. I had "fainted" twice, at home before the ambulance was called so the last two events occurred in the presence of medical staff who could observe and respond. And respond they did, once with CPR.  Three days later, after the rush of hospitalization and all the action of hospital life, I am at home and reflecting on the events and their significance.  It is sinking in.  The words of the doctor struck home: "You left us for awhile and we thought we had lost you." It was not a heart attack. I have no heart damage. It seems I had a vasovagal response to something and my heart slowed.  It is completely unclear at this time why, or why so "dramatic" (doctor's words) a response because the heart does not usually stop. But mine did. 

       I believe in a God who really cares about us and tries to get through to us with His love and teach us and mould us. He knows what is best for us and wants us to get there. His love for us is so great that He treats each of us as individuals and dedicates His energies and efforts in helping each of us to become the people He intended us to be when He formed us in our mother's womb.  I believe this with all my "heart".  We are the ones who struggle with this and waste an incredible amount of time and effort by fighting Him. We think we know better. I have learned and am still learning, through failure, that I don't know better. Thirty-six years ago I asked Him to take control over my life and although in many areas I think I have grown and can live what I believe, I still resist in others. 
       What I am trying to explain is that, when something happens to me or someone says something that rocks me, I feel I need to ask God what He is saying. I don't know if He has a specific message for me yet. Maybe it will never be totally clear but here are some of the things I want to carry with me moving forward:

a) Life is a gift- I have heard it said by many others and repeated it many times myself.  It is a gift in that we didn't earn it. The question is: "What will we do with it?" 

b) Life is fragile.  I do what I can, exercise regularly, eat well, try to take care of myself- yet this happened. We have no guarantee of tomorrow. Live as God leads. Live fully today. 

c) Family- got to love them. Shared history bonds in powerful ways and supersedes time and distance. Thanks J and M for being there and for your support. Our family is an usual one with some special people from around the world grafted in: your love is real and we felt it. Oh yeah, by the way- I have a wonderful wife who I would be totally lost without!   :)

d) People- it is people who make life special. It is people we need to dedicate ourselves to: not things, not organizations, not activities but people. I am blessed by so many people who care and who reached out and/or prayed for Lil and I. I have been overwhelmed by texts, emails, messages and phone calls from people who are important to us and who feel we are important to them, both past and present. I feel totally unworthy of the expressions of concern and love I have received en dos idiomas: inglés y español. 

e) Opportunities- I was reminded during my short stay in the hospital of the opportunities that abound to show God's kindness and love to others. I shared a room with an elderly man suffering with dementia whose wife is wheelchair bound. She came to the hospital to visit him over the lunch hour but, after the tray arrived, was unable to assist him in opening his juice, buttering his bun or preventing him from burning his tongue by immediately spooning the steaming soup into his mouth. She rang for the nurse but she was with another patient and delayed in arriving. How wonderful it would have been for one of God's children to have been there to serve that couple in their need.  Even in a wealthy country like Canada we are surrounded by too many needs for me to believe that God doesn't want His people out there doing something/anything about it. Hospitals need dedicated and caring volunteers. Prison ministries need dedicated volunteers.  ________ need volunteers. Please fill in the blank and ask God if He wants you to fill the need.